f2CAStoriesMorris

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As a young boy I remember sitting at a Weight Watchers meeting. I looked around and in a moment of feeling very self-conscious I realized, I was not only the youngest, I was the largest person in the room as well. I couldn't believe my eyes. There were people of all shapes and sizes there that night but I definitely was the biggest. I didn't expect this to happen. Not in a room of people who were all over weight.

All of a sudden I felt very much alone and I felt the layers and layers of fat that hides the real me deep inside from all the world to see. "The biggest person here" I thought over and over to myself. "Couldn't be".

I stayed at the meeting that night and listened to speaker after speaker even though I wanted to just run and hide somewhere and cry my eyes out. Each person got up in front of the group to shared their story of hope and inspiration. I recall thinking "yes" this is it. This is finally the diet that will be the one that works for me. After all, look at these people. There doing it. For a moment I didn't even think back to all the programs and diets I had been on previous to this meeting that failed me.

I guess I was trying to convince myself that "this time" the diet will work. I mean it was more like an internal cry of hope than anything else maybe you could even call it a prayer. All the other diets I was on failed me. "This has to work" I thought. "Please make it work for me this time God." "Please".

The sad truth is like so many times before, my hopes turned to disappointment. It really didn't matter that it was Weight Watchers because I've tried them all. I went to Overeaters Anonymous, T.O.P.S., Nutri-System, various diet doctors who gave me pills and shots. I even went to a "fat camp". I tried fasting, powders, shakes, the grapefruit diet, you name it I did it.

By my teen years I felt like a complete failure in life. I had very low self-esteem, I was lonely because no one wanted to hang around with the fat kid. I was picked on daily but never picked for the team. I was depressed and felt pretty hopeless. But I kept trying. I never gave up. You've all heard the old saying "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." I did just that.

I have probably bought every diet book that has ever been published. I tried the diets and all I lost was my hard earned money and my pride. Now don't get me wrong, they all worked for me. Some worked for a day, other worked a week and a few even worked a month or more. Every time something stopped me.Something happened and I either lost my motivation or just couldn't maintained my will power anymore.

I often wondered about this. I'd ask myself "Why do I fail on every diet that I try?" "What's wrong with me?" "They work for all those other people, why not me?". I would even ask God if I was being punished for something. "Why me" I'd ask. "Why me?." I felt like an out cast, and a freak. After all I was different than all the other kids. They were normal. They weren't over weight, they dated, played sports, went out, hung around, went to the prom and did all the things kids do. Not me. I was more times than not home alone in my misery.

Funny thing is looking back to those teenage years and beyond I really only weighed 250 pounds. In fact if I go by my drivers licences over the years, I've weighted 250 pounds right on through adulthood. My first drivers licence issued in 1970 shows my weight at 250. Then again in 1982 and 1992. The reality I didn't want to face or admit to myself or certainly to anyone who would see my drivers license that I really weighed close to 550 pounds. I didn't feel like I was almost 550 pounds.

There were days when I felt normal. Tat was until I spotted myself in a mirror or my reflection in a window. That can't be me I thought. It can't be. It was. Why else was I picked on and beaten up daily at school. Why else was I called names , made fun of, tormented and humiliated at every opportunity at school. Why else did people point when I was out shopping at the mall.

Needless to say in my travels through life somewhere I learned about carbohydrate addiction. Yes I am a carbohydrate addict. If I wasn't you wouldn't be reading my story here, would you? I mean obviously Richard and Rachael certainly wouldn't have had me write this if I lost weight "Sweating To The Oldies".

I've been on the the Carbohydrate Addict’s Diet and the newer version, the Carbohydrate Addict’s Lifespan Program, now since October 18th, 1996. I have found being on the Carbohydrate Addict’s Lifespan Program I no longer have cravings for food between meals. This too me is nothing short of a miracle. Without getting into a long story of how or why this came about, on October 17, 1996 I got a phone call from Dr. Rachael Heller . Her call opened my eyes to so many new things. She literally changed the way I think about food and dieting. All that knowledge I thought I knew was turned upside down that day.

I learned more in a one hour conversation with Dr. Heller than I had gained in all my dieting experiences combined. She was talking to me about her program the Carbohydrate Addict’s Lifespan Program. She told me how dieting shouldn't have to be a struggle or a fight to stay in control and that 90% of the population heavy or not suffers from a hormonal imbalance called Hyperinsulinemia.

Hyperinsulinemia is simply put is an addiction or sensitivity to carbohydrates. This imbalance, she went on to tell me, can be controlled and by controlling this imbalance you will have no cravings, no hunger or desire to eat in between meals. Well I will not even begin to tell you what I thought of all this. "Yah right!" came to mind along with a few other choice words I don't care to repeat. "Another diet book with the claim to have the all the answers on losing weight. How many diet books had I read before?

"It only gets easier," she said.

I heard those words but they meant nothing too me. Oh I listened but the words diet and easy just didn't go together as far as I was concerned. From my experiences there has never been an easy diet. Certainly I have not ever been on a diet that was easy or effortless. If anything it was a daily conflict to just stay in control. It was a struggle

Being on a diet meant I had to be aware of food at all times. I had to make sure I was conscious of everything I ate and anytime I was near food I had to use self talk to make sure I would maintain control and not dip into something that would deter me from my goal. I always had food on my mind. It made me angry.

I would ask myself why?, why me? Why can't I just eat like all the other people around me and for once enjoy my food. Why couldn't I have Pie A La Mode without feeling guiltily. If I did have it, why would I beat myself up mentally and feel that I am worthless because I couldn't maintain enough control or will power to just say "no. Why? Why? Why?

"Most people experience no cravings within 48 hours."

No cravings. Impossible I thought. What a bunch of bull. Why that's like asking me to give credence to unicorns or elves. No cravings. Please! Everyday is a fight to stay in control. It's a battle that daily I don't know if I can win. A race with no finishing line. A story without an ending. No cravings. I have never experienced a day in my life where I wasn't hungry or craving food. Even after I'd eat a huge meal within hours or sometimes right after finishing I'd be hungry again. "Impossible," I thought a second time.

"You'll see, Morris, it only gets easier."

As I heard these words echoing in my mind I remember thinking this is impossible. Like I said I have tired everything from the shots, the diet doctors, all the diet programs, read the diet books and still nothing worked for me as promised. Often I'd get despondent and wonder what was wrong with me. Why did all these programs work for everyone else BUT me. Was I being punished in some way? I just didn't know but I did know it hurt deep inside to fail on diet after diet blaming myself worse each time.

"Trust me," she said.

Now how many times have I heard that one. I recall going to sign up at a health spa, or some diet program, seeking the answer to my obesity problem, listening intently to all their promises of unequivocal success on *their* program. "I promise this program will bring about the results you are looking for." "This program was made for you." "Don't fret we'll be here for you." All of them turned out to be superficial assurances.

Thinking back on these sales pitches reminds me of a ghost town. Once a promising, prosperous community full of optimism and wishful thinking, that are nothing more now than faded memories long forgotten. How many times my hopes have been uplifted only to be abandoned like those ghost towns.

Promise after promise, failure after failure. How could I possibly believe. How could I trust one more time. Although I doubted what was being said to me my instincts told me something about this made sense. Maybe, just maybe there is truth to what I was hearing.

"It's not your fault."

It's not my fault. Of course it is. I can't even stay on a diet. I'm a washout on every diet ever thought of. Nothing works for me. Some I didn't last an hour or a day on. How could it not be my fault? I'd start out great, eager that maybe this time I had the solution. I'd be so hopeful, anticipating reaching my goal. Sometimes I'd even be an advocate for the program because I went weeks on it and did well. Then disaster would strike and I would cheat or slip and lose faith. Somehow I'd get off track and just couldn't summons the will power to get back and get going again. I failed once more.

"It is all very scientific."

You mean there is a scientific reason I'm fat. I don't need to know that.

But something happened. The more I listened to Dr. Heller, the things she spoke about started to make sense to me. I no longer thought this was one of those "fad" diets. Dr. Heller told me about her research and during all this I thought "If only this could be true." Many of the examples of eating patterns Dr. Heller related to me sounded like she was telling me my dieting history and about my struggles.

I couldn't get our conversation out of my mind. That same day on my way to work I bought her book, the Carbohydrate Addict’s Lifespan Program. I read it in one sitting. I thought all along "This is to good too be true." "There's no way you can eat like this and lose weight." Her program goes against everything I have ever been told about dieting and I mean everything.

I follow the program to the letter. I think of it this way, If I were a diabetic, I couldn't make up my own rules and make changes to the dosages I am supposed to take. I couldn't skip a day or make changes when or how I wanted to take my medication. So I follow Drs. Hellers diet by the book. No deviations, no making up my own rules, no skipping a day. I started the program October 18th.

I have been steadily losing weight ever since. Everything Dr. Heller told me about Hyperinsulinemia (carbohydrate sensitivity) has been true. Her claims that this program removes the desire to eat between meals and that I would no longer crave food like I used to, that I can eat anything I want at dinner time and still lose weight , all have come true.

I still think someone is going to wake me up and it's all going to have been nothing more than a dream.

A DREAM COME TRUE:

MORRIS KATZOFF’S STORY